A Sebacean Fairy Tale
by MALar
Summary: Aeryn has a strange experience.


Name: MALar ([malar_cs@yahoo.com][1])

Title: **A Sebacean Fairy Tale**

Disclaimer: I make no claim to ownership of anything related to Farscape. The show, its characters and all related material are owned by Henson, SciFi and various other people, none of whom are me.

Rating: PG13 for Violence & Farscape profanity (the rating is probably excessive)

Setting: Starting aboard Moya a little over two years after Crichton first arrived in the Uncharted Territories.

Archiving: Please email me first.

Spoilers: TWWW with some speculation for LatP. Probably other things from earlier in the series.

Summary: Aeryn has a strange experience, and Crichton has some problems of his own. Anything more would spoil the story.

Feedback: Please. 

Acknowledgements: My thanks to Shipscat for her comments and encouragement while I was writing this. The feedback from her was a great help. Thanks also to ScribLL for a thorough critique of the completed story.

Author's note: This was originally posted in sections to the SciFi Channel's Farscape bulletin board. This accounts for the somewhat cliffhangerish nature of the parts. Thoughts are in italics.

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Part 1

John Crichton stood looking into an access panel on Farscape 1. If it worked, this small modification to the hetch drive would give him a nearly 10% boost in acceleration with no additional energy consumption. It amazed him that the Peacekeeper Techs hadn't thought of this. Of course, given the arrogance that went hand in hand with being a Peacekeeper, they probably just assumed that all their equipment was perfect. Arrogance and Peacekeepers. That was a train of thought he had been trying to avoid. In fact, he had immersed himself in the details of the hetch technology to take his mind off other matters. At least it had worked for a little while.

To say the John Crichton was in a bad mood would be an understatement of Galactic proportions. He was confused, depressed and downright furious. The object of that fury was a certain ex-Peacekeeper, arrogance still intact.

At first he had sought to blame himself. Had he done something to offend her? Had he inadvertently violated some Sebacean cultural taboo? He had asked her repeatedly what he had done wrong, only to be ignored. He had apologized countless times with no clear idea why. Finally, after a weeken's worth of reflection mixed with a healthy dose of groveling, he decided that he had done nothing wrong. Whatever had happened between them, it was all Aeryn's doing.

Things had been going so well. That should have been his first clue that something bad was just ahead. After all, it fit the pattern. Every time he started to become just a little bit comfortable with his new life, something managed to kick him in the teeth. If it wasn't a trip home that turned out to be an alien simulation, it was an insane cyborg with a thing for wormholes and torture. Still, this particular turn of events with Aeryn just didn't make sense.

For the hundredth time in the past few days, he tried to reconstruct what had happened. After the incident with the "Princess" over a half cycle ago, Crichton's relationship with Aeryn had taken a sudden and truly dramatic leap forward. There had been some initial ups and downs, but in time, she had put aside her hesitation and fears and had accepted him completely. It wasn't just a matter of physical intimacy, although they hadn't exactly been shy about that. There was an emotional connection that he had never felt before, not even with Alex. He loved Aeryn more deeply than he had ever loved anyone, and although neither of them had said the words, he was convinced that she felt the same. He had decided some time ago, that come what may, he was going to spend the rest of his life with her.

One weeken earlier everything had changed, and Crichton still had no idea why. He replayed the scene in his mind. He and Aeryn, dressed as Peacekeepers, were sitting together in some rundown cafe on an obscure commerce planet. For once, there were no wanted beacons, and they felt relatively safe. They were talking about incidental things and just enjoying each other's company. The conversation drifted to something trivial about Earth when the owner, who looked like a cross between Rygel and a duck, brought them two bowls of some kind of soup.

The owner clearly didn't enjoy having Peacekeepers in his establishment and made no effort to hide his distaste. Aeryn had just started eating her soup when the creature slammed the other bowl down in front of Crichton. He looked away for a moment to glare at the Taleran, as Aeryn had called him. When he looked back, Aeryn's expression had changed to her neutral Peacekeeper mask. He hadn't seen that face in a while and couldn't really say that he had missed it. The rest of the meal consisted of Crichton trying to engage Aeryn in conversation and Aeryn answering in short, clipped sentences. From there, it just got worse.

Aeryn rapidly went from businesslike to hostile. Crichton and Aeryn had been sharing quarters for nearly three months, but that evening, Aeryn had stated without preamble that the arrangement no longer suited her. He'd gone along without too much argument, not that she would listen to any. He hadn't wanted to get her any angrier and hoped that she would soon calm down, but things just continued to get worse. It reached a point where she treated him with more contempt than when they had first met. No opportunity to insult him, his species or his place on Moya was missed.

Refocusing on the present and Farscape 1, Crichton decided that this brooding wasn't getting him anywhere with the drive. As he continued to work, he heard footsteps behind him. It actually surprised him that he could pick out Aeryn from the cadence of her walk.

"Still wasting your time with that bucket of dren? We would all be better served if you traded that thing for some useful supplies. Although I can't imagine what we could get in exchange for scrap metal."

That was it. This had gone too far, and Crichton was too angry to take any more abuse.

"O.k., Aeryn. That's enough. What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you doing this?"

Aeryn feigned innocence but not very convincingly. "Doing what?"

"You know exactly what. You've cut me out of your life, and you won't tell my why. I thought you and I meant something to each other. I thought this relationship was as important to you as it is to me." Then with less anger and a slight note of pleading, "If I did something to hurt you, please just tell me. We can work through this."

A smile slowly formed on Aeryn's face, but it wasn't what Crichton had come to expect. There was a calculated cruelty there that he had never seen before.

"I always knew you were the biggest frelling idiot I had ever met. I'm just now beginning to realize how big. I'm sorry to have to inform you, Crichton, that you have grossly misjudged the nature of our 'relationship'. I don't exactly know what I mean to you, but you mean absolutely nothing to me."

A look of shock followed quietly by, "You're lying. What about all the times we've risked our lives for each other? What about everything that's happened in the past few months?"

"You may be deficient in just about every way, but I've been forced to deal with you as I would with a comrade. I risked my life for you as I would have for another Peacekeeper. As for what's happened recently, I've been stuck on this frelling ship for over two cycles. I have needs, and you were the only way to satisfy them. It was obvious that you wanted more from me than I wanted from you, so I played the part I needed to play to get what I wanted."

Aeryn's smile turned just slightly lascivious, "As it turned out, there are one or two things that you do fairly well, but there's only so much I can put up with, and I've had enough of you."

Crichton started to grasp at straws. As silly as it seemed even to him, his mind raced to find some logical counterargument to what Aeryn had just said.

"If you were only interested in me for sex, then why did you wait nearly a year and a half? Why would you push me away after what happened on the fake Earth?"

Aeryn laughed at this. She said, "It never ceases to amaze me. Just when I thought I had found the limits of your stupidity, you find a way to prove me wrong."

"You're not exactly unappealing, but you are a genetically inferior alien. I waited as long as I did because that's how long it took me to overcome my own revulsion at the thought of you touching me. What happened on the fake Earth happened because I thought I was about to die. I needed a distraction, and you were it. By the way, you're performance that night left a lot to be desired. I must say I was pleasantly surprised by later events. That's why I've kept you around as long as I have. Who knows when I'll get the chance to find another competent partner."

While Crichton stood there completely dazed, Aeryn turned around and left the maintenance bay.

--------------------

Part 2

Aeryn Sun had faced danger countless times and had never flinched. She had learned in early childhood to endure pain without comment. She had never let anything get in the way of an objective. Yet, a simple conversation with John had nearly undone her.

Of course, the conversation hadn't been that simple. She had needed to rehearse her part of it for most of the past day. Aeryn was not an accomplished liar, but it was remarkable what careful preparation could do. She had worried at first about sounding too rehearsed. The last thing she wanted to do was sound as if she were delivering a speech, but John was clearly too distressed by what she had said to worry about how she had said it.

Aeryn walked out of the maintenance bay without looking back. She waited until she reached the end of the hallway and turned a corner before collapsing against the nearest available support. That confrontation with John had been the hardest single moment of her life.

A portion of her mind, the bit that was still functioning, locked onto the image of Velorek being dragged away to his imminent torture and death. This actually felt worse. Four cycles ago, she hadn't yet developed the emotional maturity to appreciate the full impact of what she had done. Now it was tearing her apart. Besides, her feelings for John ran far deeper than she had ever imagined possible when she was a Peacekeeper.

At least there was a difference this time. What she had done to Velorek was out of a sense of duty and for personal gain, and the result for him had been disastrous. What she had just done to John was for his own good, not that it didn't still feel like a betrayal. She would ignore her own pain for his sake, but she had to get out of this hallway and as far from him as possible. She couldn't risk another encounter with him now. Her resolve had almost broken when she saw the look on his face after telling him that he meant nothing to her. She couldn't afford another mistake like that. She would keep her distance for now and would quietly leave Moya at the first available opportunity.

Aeryn once again ignored the tiny voice that had been telling her that something was very wrong about her approach to all of this, that she needed to reconsider what she was doing. She had been ignoring it with ease for the past weeken, but the voice and the odd feeling that accompanied it just wouldn't go away. As she made her way to her quarters, Aeryn thought back to the moment this had all started. She had been having lunch with John. The Taleran who was serving them was more than a little surly, but given what the Peacekeepers had done to his people, Aeryn didn't really begrudge him the attitude. It didn't matter anyway. She had never felt as happy or as content in her life. They had talked about nothing in particular until John mentioned some Earth delicacy that he wanted to share with her.

"I really miss chocolate. I guess you don't think about the little things until they're gone."

"Chocolate?"

"Yeah, it's a type of food. No nutritional value, but it tastes great. You'd love it." He smiled at her as he said this. She smiled back, "Well maybe I'll get a chance to try some one day."

"There's the small matter of first making a wormhole, Aeryn."

"I know you, John. You'll find your way back eventually." She leaned in conspiratorially. With a touch of sensuality in her voice, she said, "And if you're nice to me, maybe I'll decide to come along."

"Aeryn, there's no way I would risk taking you to Earth unless we can guarantee your safety, and I have no idea how we're going to pull that off."

She had tried to hide it by focusing on her soup, but he must have noticed the momentary look of sadness. His next sentence came as a shock.

"Why so glum? It's not as if I'd ever think of leaving you."

This was said without any emphasis or force, as if it were the most natural thing imaginable. As soon as he had said it, Aeryn knew with absolute certainty that he meant it. A small part of her was thrilled that he cared for her that much. The rest of her was horrified.

Fortunately for her, the Taleran chose that instant to slam John's bowl of soup down in front of him. It gave her the moment necessary to mask the host of emotions that must have been dancing across her face.

During the rest of the meal, she had made short noncommittal responses to everything Crichton said. Her mind was otherwise occupied and racing along at light speed. She meant it when she said she would go with him to Earth. It might be dangerous, but so were her current circumstances. If things did work out, she would be with John and they would both be safe. There was the nagging insecurity that once he was back among his own people, John would start to lose interest in her, but she was willing to risk that too.

What she had never once contemplated was that he would be willing to give up his Earth to stay with her. This was simply unacceptable. She had already destroyed the life of one man she cared about, she wouldn't do the same to another. John was ready to trade his one chance at safety and happiness for a life with her. Aeryn would not be responsible for this. She didn't deserve this kind of selflessness.

Aeryn knew that talking to John would be useless. When he made up his mind, he was easily the most stubborn person she had ever met. Only one solution presented itself. She would have to turn on him so that he would give up this foolish idea.

It hadn't been working very well. She had ignored him, insulted him and pushed him away, but he kept coming back, pleading for an explanation or for forgiveness for some imagined transgression. Aeryn had finally decided that she needed to leave for John's sake, and she had to make sure that he wouldn't try to follow, at least not until it was too late. She had to hurt him as badly as she could.

__

Well, Officer Sun, Aeryn thought to herself grimly, _mission accomplished._

Back in her quarters, Aeryn got ready for bed. This had been the worst weeken of her life. The separation from John was difficult enough, but the pain she had intentionally been inflicting on him was almost more than she could bear. At least it would be over soon.

As she climbed into bed, Aeryn had little hope that she would get any rest. It had been days since she had slept. She was consumed by guilt at what she was doing to John, and sleep simply would not come. It also didn't help that she had been feeling increasingly queasy since eating that hideous soup the Taleran had served. She probably shouldn't have had more than a spoonful, but her mind had been on other things at the time.

As she settled into bed, the unexpected occurred. Aeryn drifted off almost instantly. She began to dream.

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Part 3

Just before she fell asleep, a tiny portion of Aeryn's brain registered the fact that something just didn't feel right. Then the nature of her dream took her by surprise. Aeryn had never really had vivid dreams, certainly nothing like the odd flights of fancy that John sometimes described.

This was different. She was standing at the entrance to a long, brightly lit tunnel with intricately detailed walls, both inside and out. The tunnel seemed to be suspended in emptiness, as was Aeryn herself. Everything from one end to the other was in perfect focus, almost to the point of causing her to shut her eyes to avoid the sensory overload. _All right, this is odd,_ she thought. _May as well make the most of it before I wake up._

As soon as she made the decision to enter, the tunnel inexplicably began to react to her. It folded itself inside out so that the outer walls were on the inside and vice versa, and Aeryn was at the far end. She hadn't felt the sensation of motion, but she had somehow passed through.

She woke with a start. Her first thought was, _This beats anything John ever told me about_. Then she remembered how things stood between her and Crichton and the depression that had recently become so familiar started to settle. That lasted for about a microt.

As Aeryn opened her eyes, she realized that something was seriously wrong. The dimensions of her quarters felt wrong and the colors seemed muted. Just as she was about to get up, a swirling pattern of light began to form at the foot of her bed. It slowly coalesced into the shape of a Sebacean woman in flowing white robes.

__

O.k., so I'm still dreaming.

The figure said, "No child, this is not a dream." 

Had she possessed the correct cultural reference, Aeryn would have described the appearance and voice as angelic. Whatever this thing was, it had just read her mind.

Aeryn's first instinct was to bolt from the bed and reach for the weapon she always kept at the ready. Crichton had teased her endlessly about keeping a charged pulse rifle within arm's reach of the bed, but a little paranoia never got anybody killed. To her dismay, Aeryn found that she couldn't move. She didn't feel restrained. Rather, her limbs simply refused to obey.

"Who...what are you, and what the frell do you want?"

"Don't you know child? I am Sareel."

The name seemed familiar. Where had she heard it? Then it dawned on her.

She had learned the story of Sareel as a very young child. In early childhood, before the rigorous training started, Peacekeeper children were exposed to some of the things that others normally associated with youth. Stories and myths were common, although if Aeryn had stopped to reflect, she would have realized that they were really the first step in indoctrination. The stories were all designed to encourage obedience and conformity, and any undesirable side effects, such as belief in the supernatural, were easily dealt with later.

The myth of Sareel was no different. As far as Aeryn could remember, she was a powerful being who granted wishes to soldiers who had performed exceptional acts of heroism or self-sacrifice for the good of the Peacekeepers.

Her initial panic at hearing "Sareel" speak had receded, and Aeryn decided she was still dreaming. Why not play along?

"So you're Sareel, are you? I don't think I qualify as a good little Peacekeeper' anymore, so what the frell do you want with me?"

"Aeryn, the stories you were taught about me have been distorted. I am a part of your people and have been since long before the time of the Peacekeepers. I assure you, I am very real, and I do not reward good little Peacekeepers. I have come to you because you are worthy of my gift."

"I'm worthy? I think you have the wrong Sebacean." Aeryn snorted dismissively. Then again, none of this was real and making a wish couldn't hurt.

"Right. If you are real, I want my wish. I want you to send Crichton back to his planet and me along with him. I want Zhaan back on Delvia with the Peacekeepers gone. I want D'Argo reunited with his son and pardoned. I want Chiana wherever the frell she wants to be." After a moments hesitation, "And while you're at it, put that pompous Hynerian back on his throne."

"As I said, Aeryn, your knowledge of me is a Peacekeeper distortion. I do not grant wishes."

"Then what the frell do you do?"

"I enable those who have attracted my attention to change their past. Your lives are made up of a sequence of individual decisions, one upon another. Even the most worthy have made decisions they regret. I give them the opportunity to correct one such decision. I now give you that opportunity."

Aeryn still didn't believe any of this, but she was getting a little wrapped up in the moment. She began to imagine what she might change in her past. Her first instinct was again to get everyone, or at least John, to safety. She soon realized that no decision she had ever made was responsible for their predicament. So what to do? Suddenly she saw with almost painful clarity what she wanted. Velorek. She wanted to undo what she had done to Velorek.

She knew that a part, maybe a large part, of her refusal to let John give up Earth for her was because she still felt unworthy of him, and a large part of that unworthiness was because of what she had done to Velorek. As she thought this, that tiny voice she had been ignoring screamed to her that there was a flaw in this line of reasoning, that something was very wrong. She ignored it as she had been doing for the past weeken.

"I want to undo what I did to Velorek. I don't want to have turned him in to Crais."

"Very well. Done."

Aeryn had only a moment to reflect that Sareel's last words were far less gentle than her earlier ones. She seemed to fall asleep again, and the experience with the tunnel replayed itself, only in reverse.

Aeryn opened her eyes. The strange feeling of distorted proportions and odd colors was gone. She thought she must finally be awake.

As she focused on the room, she realized that something was again very wrong. This was not her quarters on Moya. Aeryn saw an open window and realized that she was on a planet, not in space. A quick glance revealed a small room of the sort available for rent near any spaceport.

After a moment to shake off the disorientation, a few other things became apparent. Aeryn wasn't wearing her Calvins and grey T-shirt. In fact, she wasn't wearing anything. She also wasn't alone. Next to her was a sleeping and very naked Velorek.

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Part 4

Aeryn froze. For several hundred microts she was afraid to move for fear of waking the man next to her.

This can't be real. I must still be dreaming.

Yet that hazy perception of reality that Aeryn associated with dreams was entirely missing. This felt real. Time seemed to pass normally and everything was sharply detailed. Besides, the fact that she was even considering the reality of her situation didn't seem to fit in with Aeryn's notion of dreams.

Real or not, Aeryn soon remembered her current state of undress. During her short time with him, she and Velorek had been together nearly every chance they'd gotten, so the embarrassment she felt seemed a little out of place. However, that was a lifetime ago for Aeryn, or more accurately, it was a different life altogether.

Aeryn got up as quietly as she could and looked for something to put on. She almost expected to find her old Peacekeeper uniform. Instead, draped across a chair on her side of the bed were some standard issue Peacekeeper underwear, a pair of dark pants and a loose-fitting gray shirt. It occurred to her as she dressed that these clothes had been chosen to be as bland and nondescript as possible.

She had been standing motionless for some time, thinking about what to do next, when she noticed Velorek stirring behind her. After a few moments he spoke.

"Aeryn? You're up already? That's a change. I usually have to toss you out of the bed before you're conscious."

The look on Aeryn's face perfectly mirrored the mixture of confusion and terror that she felt. It looked like Velorek, although a little older and a lot more worn. He lacked the vitality that she remembered from four cycles ago. It sounded like Velorek, but again there was a difference. Whenever they were alone, his tone with her had always been gentle. Now she heard annoyance, even a hint of contempt.

Aeryn kept repeating to herself, _This can't be real._

As Velorek rose to get dressed, Aeryn quickly turned away. It seemed ridiculous even to her, but this casual intimacy with another man, a figment of her imagination at that, seemed like a betrayal of John.

When he spoke, it became apparent that she was not succeeding in hiding her discomfort.

"What the frell is the matter with you? Why are you looking at me like that?"

Aeryn decided to go along with this as best she could. She was finding it increasingly difficult to remember that this was just a dream.

"Uh...it's nothing. I'm still just a little tired."

"Well focus. We have a lot to do today. The nearest task force is just days behind us, and we need to get off this rock within the next 70 arns. You remember what we discussed yesterday?"

After a moment with no response, Velorek said with obvious irritation, "Maybe we should just go over it again."

"I'll meet with the Hynerian trader and confirm our passage. You make sure we have the supplies we need. Four weekens worth of food rations, two pulse rifles and pistols apiece and enough ammunition."

He pulled out a package and handed it to Aeryn. "This should be just enough to manage the trade." With that he left the room.

Aeryn stood staring at the door. After a moment, she yelled out loud to no one in particular, "Why the frell don't I wake up?" There was no response. She hadn't really expected one.

Just standing around and feeling confused was accomplishing nothing. Aeryn felt an urgent need to be doing something, and she didn't have a lot of options. She decided to just trade for the supplies. At least that was something that her time on Moya had taught her.

As the day wore on, Aeryn was aware of the passage of every microt and of the undeniable realism of everything she saw and did. A thought began to take root, _Maybe this isn't a dream._ By the end of the day, she no longer doubted that Sareel and everything she was experiencing was real.

If that was so, then Velorek was actually alive. Shouldn't she be overcome with a sense of relief? After all, Velorek's death is what had been haunting her, what had driven her from John. Instead, all she felt was an acute sense of loss. Her life on Moya, and with John Crichton, had come to mean everything to her. She was happy that Velorek was alive, but was she meant to be a part of that life?

Then it struck her that maybe this new life with Velorek was her means of atoning for what she had done in the past. Maybe that was what Sareel had given her. The small nagging voice that had been bothering her for days was just a little louder than it had been. It said, "Aeryn Sun, you are being a frelling idiot." She ignored it again, but not as easily and not entirely.

Aeryn returned to the small rented room as the local sun was setting. Velorek was already there.

"I talked to the Hynerian. We leave in 50 arns. Did you get the supplies?"

Aeryn produced the various items she had acquired at well below the price Velorek had been expecting. He smiled at her, the first hint of warmth that Aeryn had seen from him.

"How did you manage this? You're the worst haggler I've ever seen."

Aeryn took exception to that. She was nearly as good as Rygel when she needed to be, but it seemed wisest not to mention it.

"I guess I just got lucky."

When Velorek undressed and climbed into bed, Aeryn started to panic, but there wasn't really much she could do. She stripped down to her underwear and climbed in next to him.

"It's been a long day. I think we could both use a little ... relaxation."

He started to reach out to her only to be cut short.

"I'm really tired, and I'm just not in the mood right now."

She didn't think that would be enough to dissuade him. It surprised her when Velorek simply shrugged, turned over, and went to sleep. As relieved as Aeryn was, she was also slightly offended that it hadn't taken a little more effort to do that. The irritation quickly passed, and her thoughts turned to her life on Moya. She wondered how John was taking all of this.

The next day, she managed to engage Velorek in some conversation as they went about their daily routine. They were posing as traders from a Sebacean farming world, and Aeryn gathered that it was essential that they keep up the pretense. Velorek seemed reluctant to talk at first and actually seemed surprised that Aeryn wanted to talk at all. She persisted, and after several cleverly phrased questions and some guesswork, she had a fairly good idea of what had happened to them over the past four cycles.

Aeryn hadn't turned Velorek over to Crais after learning that he had tampered with Moya, and they had managed to run from the Peacekeepers together. That should have been the end of the story. Two lone, fairly low ranking former Peacekeepers shouldn't have been anyone's concern. That's not how it turned out. The scale of what had actually happened amazed Aeryn.

Crais had never had the opportunity to interrogate Velorek and had never satisfied himself that his plan was still intact. The investigation went much further in this reality. Accomplices were discovered, and unlike the Velorek Aeryn remembered, some of them had broken under torture. A few had revealed more names, and they had revealed more still, and not just of those involved with Crais' project. The investigation was eventually taken over by more senior officials, and it was discovered that there were indeed some very highly placed subversives in the Peacekeeper military. In the end, the admiral in charge of Tech Command was tried, found guilty and executed for treason. The incident rocked the Peacekeepers to their very core.

Velorek, a mere Lieutenant, had little to do with anything his superiors were planning, but he was the starting point of the investigation that brought them down. This was coincidence as much as anything else, but to High Command, Velorek became a symbol. His capture was top priority. Aeryn learned that she was no longer being chased by one insane military commander, she was being chased by all of them, insane or not. All Peacekeepers had standing orders to arrest Velorek and Aeryn on sight. A whole fleet had been detailed to comb Peacekeeper-occupied territories in search of the two of them.

Despite herself, Aeryn had to smile at this. _I thought John had a knack for getting into trouble. He couldn't have managed this._

That evening Velorek approached her again and was again turned away with no real effort. Aeryn had also started to piece together what had happened between them. Their relationship was now a matter of mutual survival, nothing more. Sex was still a component, but only as distraction from the hell their lives had become. There was no passion or even affection left.

Velorek had promised Aeryn, at least his Aeryn, excitement and a chance to thrive. She had gotten more than enough of the first and none of the second. He had promised that Aeryn would become more. She now realized as she hadn't four cycles ago that Velorek was in no position to make any of these promises. He had been sincere and had meant well, but he was a Peacekeeper. Despite having a broader view of things than Aeryn, he no more knew how to live outside that world than she did. What was the phrase John had once used about Chiana trying to keep Rygel out of trouble on some commerce planet? "The blind leading the blind." That fit Velorek's and Aeryn's situation perfectly. In time, disappointment had led to bitterness and the distance that was now between them.

As she lay in bed unable to sleep, Aeryn thought about John. How had he taken her disappearance? She was more worried about him than about her own predicament. As morning approached and her anxiety about him continued to grow, something suddenly occurred to her. Was there even any reason to worry about John? If whatever Sareel had done had caused her to leave the Peacekeepers with Velorek four cycles ago, that meant that in this reality she had never met John Crichton.

__

Well that accomplishes exactly what you wanted, doesn't it? He has no reason to stay stay in the Uncharted Territories. He can go home. That small voice was back, only it wasn't so small any more. "What are you saying? One single sentence, 'It's not like I'd ever leave you,' and you basically went insane." Aeryn realized with a start that her recent behavior had been completely unlike her. She hadn't even tried to talk to John, not that there was even any reason to talk. It's not as if he had even found his wormhole. Even then, with enough thought and preparation, he might have come up with a way to get them both to Earth safely.

If he couldn't and still refused to go without her, there was always the option of a Pantak jab. She would just fly him to Earth unconscious. She would have taken that risk for him whether he liked it or not. He might be angry at first, but if his people left them alone, she knew one or two ways to make him get over it.

How had she come up with this ridiculous idea of leaving John for his own good? Aeryn Sun was a grown woman, not a child with an overdeveloped sense of romance. In fact, even as a child she had never been this flighty. Why had she said those things to him? It had seemed so natural at the time, but now it made absolutely no sense to her. Her last words to John were the harshest she had ever spoken. That would haunt her forever, even if that conversation had never taken place for him, courtesy of Sareel.

Another thought occurred to her as clarity began to replace the inexplicable confusion of the past weeken. John needed her. How many times, especially in the early days, had she kept him out of trouble. What would happen to him without her? What had happened?

She immediately made up her mind. At the first opportunity, she would leave Velorek and try to find Moya. They wouldn't know her, but she would find a way to join them and make them accept her.

--------------------

Part 5

Aeryn and Velorek sat quietly in the shuttle craft as they made their way towards the Hynerian vessel in orbit. They had arranged transport to a remote Sebacean colony which had recently been swept by the Peacekeeper patrols. With any luck, they could stay there for a few weekens.

Aeryn had no intention of wasting that much time. She would try as soon as possible to arrange passage on one of the deep exploration vessels headed for the Uncharted Territories. She had to find Moya somehow.

She wondered again how John had fared without her. _Is he safe? Is he even alive?_ With a touch of guilt at the frivolity of the next thought when compared with the others, she also wondered, _Has he found someone else?_ Aeryn had suspected how John felt about her long before either of them had admitted anything. She knew that he had been faithful to her even when there was technically no reason.

The image of John kissing Gilina suddenly flashed across Aeryn's mind. Of course, they had probably never met in this reality. It hardly mattered. There were opportunities for companionship on any commerce planet, and John would not have had trouble attracting some female. _I wonder if that little tralk, Chiana, is aboard Moya?_ John had never shown any interest in her, but how much of that was because he already felt committed?

She quickly dismissed these thoughts. They reminded her too much of the juvenile games she had recently and inexplicably played. If he was happy with someone else, Aeryn would not interfere. She had no right. All that mattered was John's safety, and she would see to that. Of course, if John was unattached, Aeryn would correct that situation soon enough. _None of this waiting a cycle and a half dren this time._

Then there was Velorek. She had briefly considered asking him to come with her but had dismissed that idea almost instantly. He was the primary goal of the Peacekeeper hunt, not Aeryn. If she took him with her, Moya would be pursued as she never had been. She felt guilty about abandoning Velorek, but hadn't she, or at least a version of her, already committed four cycles of her life to him? Aeryn realized that this wasn't the most compelling of arguments. She didn't care. The only thing that really mattered was that she find John. The decision was easier than she would have thought, and now was as good a time as any to broach the subject with Velorek.

"I'm not staying on the colony once we get there."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"Moya, the Leviathan you tried to help when all this started, she's in the Uncharted Territories. I need to get to her. There are people aboard I need to find. Don't ask me how I know any of this. I know it doesn't make a lot of sense, but it's what I have to do."

"Aeryn, have you lost your mind? Look, you've been acting strange for the past few days. What is this all about?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you, but I'm being completely serious. I have to leave."

For a moment, Velorek looked stricken. He recovered quickly.

"Fine. If you want to go off on your own, then go. There's no need to make up these ridiculous stories. I know things haven't been good between us for a long time, and I know you've only stayed with me out of some sense of obligation. You stuck around longer than I ever expected."

"Velorek..."

"No don't. I'll be fine. I'm not the Tech I used to be. I can take care of myself. You saw to that." He smiled briefly.

Aeryn didn't know what to say next. She still had only a vague idea of how things had developed between them over the past four cycles. After a few moments Velorek again spoke. This time Aeryn noticed a difference. He almost seemed, or at least sounded, like the gentle man she had known. He spoke in a near whisper.

"Aeryn, I really don't blame you for this. When we left the Peacekeepers, I had no idea what would happen. I thought I knew what to expect, but obviously I was wrong. I know that you've always blamed me for taking away a life you loved and replacing it with this nightmare. I don't suppose I've ever admitted it to you, but I blame myself as well. Once you started pushing me away, I suppose it was just easier for me to let you. I didn't really deserve any better, did I? I always hoped, at least in the early days, that if we could find some quiet time together, we might be able to rekindle what we had. I suppose four cycles is long enough to wait."

The last sentence was spoken with a smile full of sadness and self-recrimination.

Aeryn smiled back with genuine warmth and placed her hand on his. The gesture took Velorek by surprise. He had become used to a cold and scornful Aeryn. Before either of them had a chance to say anything else, they felt the familiar tug of a docking web.

As they docked with the trading vessel, both Aeryn and Velorek sensed that something was very wrong. This was a trading ship taking on cargo. The docking bay should have been bustling with activity, but there was none. Once they landed, the shuttle crew made themselves scarce in a hurry. The reason was obvious. The Hynerian captain had sold them out. _Would have made his Dominar proud._ For a moment, Aeryn wondered if that was a bit harsh, but now was not the time for trivial thoughts.

Aeryn was gratified to note Velorek's reaction. He was alert and ready. _Maybe he can take care of himself,_ she thought. The expected attack was carried out with enough sloppiness to offend Aeryn's professional sensibilities. Four Peacekeepers in two groups of two advanced from each of the two doorways.

Aeryn reacted before anyone else. She fired at and hit the first Peacekeeper advancing from her left and then dove for cover. The remaining member of that two man team began firing wildly. The other team converged on Velorek, who had taken cover behind some crates. There was a confused and rapid exchange of fire and the two Peacekeepers were down. The remaining soldier carelessly exposed herself after seeing all three of her comrades fall. Aeryn took her out with one clean shot.

She went to examine the bodies for any signs of life. The reason for the amateurish performance became apparent. These were little more than children. Some cadets on a training exercise had apparently taken it upon themselves to capture Velorek and Aeryn instead of waiting for support. _Typical_, Aeryn thought. She knew she would have done the same at one time. This sort of reckless behavior was an accepted path to advancement in the Peacekeeper military_. No wonder we always manage to get away._

Aeryn walked over to Velorek and noticed that he hadn't gotten up. She knew that he hadn't been hit. The Peacekeepers firing at him never had a clear shot. When she got closer, she saw the problem. A stray pulse blast had shattered one of the crates behind Velorek. A large, jagged piece had impaled him through the back. He wasn't dead yet but didn't have long.

With great difficulty, Velorek said, "Aeryn, I'm sorry I couldn't give you the life I promised. I tried."

Aeryn smiled at him. "I know. Thank you."

"For what?"

"For helping me to be more."

Velorek smiled weakly at that, then stopped moving. Aeryn checked for a pulse and found none.

Aeryn didn't fail to notice the irony. She had given Velorek his life back, only to watch him lose it yet again, and in the process, she too had effectively lost a life. Now was not the time to dwell on such thoughts. There would be time later to grieve for Velorek and to feel sorry for herself. Right now she had to get off this ship before she found herself facing something more formidable than a group of children.

Aeryn made her way through the ship with no opposition from the Hynerians. She hadn't expected any. She reached the lower docking bay and found what she was looking for, a Marauder with a single guard. The guard was as well trained as his comrades and posed no obstacle for Aeryn.

After leaving the trading vessel, Aeryn made a quick survey of the navigational charts and map fibers on the Marauder. She set course for the Uncharted Territories, still not sure how she would find Moya.

"So, Aeryn, how are you enjoying your new life?"

Aeryn wheeled instantly at the sound of that voice and leveled her weapon at Sareel.

This time, there were no weird distortions or odd colors, and the woman standing before her seemed like an ordinary enough Sebacean of advanced age. Her voice no longer held that ethereal quality. She sounded ... bored.

"You. What the frell did you do? You said you had come to reward me. I didn't want any of this!"

"I lied. I told you that what you knew of me was a distortion. I never intended to reward you. I don't reward people; I make examples of them. In your case, the moral of the story is quite simple. The decisions you have made, good and bad, have shaped your life. You can't selectively change things without changing who you are. The Aeryn who left with Velorek ended up with a very different life. Now that life is yours."

"Are you done, or are you also part human?"

Sareel actually laughed at this.

"I don't intend to keep talking forever. I've said what I needed, and my business with you is finished."

"So why the frell are you still here?"

"You have a long and tedious journey ahead of you. The least I can do is keep you company for awhile."

"I don't need your company, but I suppose I could use your help. Can you tell me how to get to Moya?"

"Why not. I'm feeling magnanimous today."

Aeryn hesitated for a moment before asking her next question. She wasn't sure she was ready for the answer.

"Is ... is John all right?"

"As you have no doubt realized by now, Aeryn, actions have consequences, sometimes far reaching ones. You left with Velorek four cycles ago and never met John Crichton. He needed you more than you know. You've done more than protect him from physical danger. D'Argo and Zhaan assumed that role until he could manage on his own. They kept his body from harm, but they couldn't do the same for his mind. He didn't have you to rely on or to worry about. He turned inward and slowly began to fall apart. Half a cycle ago, Crichton took a transport pod and flew it directly to Crais' command carrier. He couldn't tolerate the chase any longer."

"Crais has him?", Aeryn asked in a tone of desperation and panic.

Sareel smiled. There was no hint of warmth in her smile but also no hint of malice. She spoke as if discussing the weather.

"Crais had him. Well, technically Crais still has him. Just not all in the same room. You once said something to Crichton. I'm afraid you were mistaken, my dear. It seems your people do dissect prisoners just to study them."

"NO!!", Aeryn screamed. It wasn't a scream of fear or anger. It was a primal, guttural cry from somewhere deep inside her. Before the scream died, Aeryn fired her weapon at the still smiling Sareel. The world went black.

********

Onboard Moya, John Crichton was more worried than he had ever been in his life.

--------------------

Part 6

With the exception of one trip back to the last commerce planet, Crichton had barely moved in three days. He sat in his now familiar place in Moya's infirmary, next to the body of Aeryn Sun. Aeryn's condition had changed little. Her eyes continued to open and close at random, and her limbs continued to make small spasmodic motions. These were becoming less pronounced as Aeryn slowly weakened and started to slip away.

Crichton blamed himself for letting things get this far. After their final blowup four days ago, he had been angry, angrier than he had ever been in his life. _She used me. For half a year, she used me, and now she's done with me._ The thought that his time with Aeryn had meant nothing to her was too much to bear, and he had wandered aimlessly through Moya's hallways trying to come to terms with the revelation.

At first he had taken Aeryn at her word. Shock and the stresses of the previous weeken had dulled his senses. After a few arns, rage began to give way to reason, and it became increasingly clear that something was very wrong with this scenario. Aeryn Sun was many things; a talented actress was not one of them. Crichton knew that she had exactly two modes of dealing with people: Peacekeeper neutral and completely unreserved. She either hid her emotions or displayed them with full force. It was inconceivable that she had pulled off something like this over the course of two years. His first impulse had been to find and confront Aeryn, but that hadn't really worked too well over the previous weeken. So he had decided to wait for her to calm down, another mistake.

The next morning, Aeryn had been late to relieve Crichton in command. His annoyance turned to worry as a few hundred microts slowly stretched into a quarter arn. Aeryn was never this late for anything.

"Pilot, where's Aeryn?"

"Officer Sun is in her quarters, Commander."

With some hesitation, "Aeryn, you there? Aeryn?" 

There had been no response. A few microts later, Crichton had found Aeryn on her bed in much the same condition she was in now.

The standard tests revealed nothing. Zhaan had not known where to begin, and her efforts had been of no real help to Aeryn.

"I don't know what's wrong with her, John. Can you think of anything unusual Aeryn may have done in the past few days? Has she eaten anything out of the ordinary?"

With that one question, everything had suddenly fallen into place. Other than supplies from Moya, the only food either of them had eaten was during their brief trip to the commerce planet about a weeken earlier. That's when Aeryn's odd behavior had started. The pieces were right in front of him, and Crichton wanted to kill himself for not putting them together sooner. Fortunately, Moya had been able to starburst back to the planet that same day.

In his time in the Uncharted Territories, Crichton had learned to use violence when necessary, but he had never gotten used to intimidating people. That was best left to Aeryn or D'Argo when the situation called for it. This time had been different.

He thought again about the encounter three days ago.

Crichton made his way to the cafe where he and Aeryn had shared their last meal together. He found the Taleran, picked him up without ceremony and shoved a pulse rifle into his beak.

The Taleran seemed more surprised at seeing Crichton than at being attacked.

"You?! How?"

"What..did..you..feed..us?"

"Frell you, Peacekeeper! Kill me if you want. I don't care. I've had my revenge on enough of your kind over the years."

For a moment, curiosity got the better of Crichton.

"Revenge for what?"

"Why should you know or care? I imagine it's just like a thousand other operations to you. You came to my world. You killed millions. You killed my children and my mate while I watched!"

Crichton said evenly, "I am not a Peacekeeper. I'm not even a Sebacean."

The Taleran looked at him with some uncertainty.

"Whatever you did to the food didn't affect me, did it? I'm not a Sebacean, and I've been running from the Peacekeepers myself for over two cycles now."

"What about the female?"

There was no reason to complicate matters with the whole truth. "She's a Sebacean but not a Peacekeeper, and she's MY mate. I'm watching her die just as you watched your mate die, except I get to do it in slow motion." That had a visible impact on the Taleran. "Now tell me what you did to us!"

"Ersal. I put ersal in the soup."

When he realized that Crichton had no idea what he was talking about, the Taleran began to explain.

"It's an organic compound. It's illegal, but Sebaceans sometimes use it as a recreational drug. It causes an altered mental state for a few arns or even days. Their bodies can only handle small doses. If they take too much, they become catatonic and enter a permanent dream state. If the chemical isn't filtered out of the system in time, they don't wake up. I set the dose just high enough so that for most Sebaceans the dream state doesn't take effect for several days. That way, it never gets traced back to me."

With that, the Taleran produced a small vial of ersal. "Take this. You can use it to isolate the chemical and filter it out."

As Crichton was walking away, he heard the Taleran say quietly, "I'm sorry. I didn't know."

Crichton bit back the retort that was on the tip of his tongue and just nodded curtly. He knew what it meant to hate the Peacekeepers, and the Taleran certainly had enough reason.

Back on Moya, Zhaan used the sample to filter the ersal out of Aeryn's system, but her condition did not improve. That was nearly two days ago.

Pilot had produced some additional information, care of Moya's databases. Ersal could affect Sebaceans in different ways. In many cases, it caused a state of euphoria, hence its popularity. In a few cases, especially when the subject was unaware that the chemical had been introduced, it simply heightened emotional responses. That probably explained Aeryn's incomprehensible behavior. In the case of an overdose, the dream state could be completely fanciful for some people. In others, it was rooted in reality. Either way, the affected individual experienced the normal passage of time and was convinced of the reality of his or her situation.

Even if the drug was removed in time, there was no guarantee that the individual would wake. For some the dream was compelling enough to hold them indefinitely. Others simply weakened too much to break out of the dream. Crichton couldn't imagine what Aeryn was going through, and that hurt as much as anything else. He could only hope that Aeryn wanted to come back and that she had the strength to do so.

So, he sat and waited. He held her, stroked her hair and whispered words of encouragement and love. After three days of this vigil, he was becoming exhausted and started to nod off despite himself.

He suddenly woke to the sound of the most blood curdling scream he had ever heard. Aeryn was sitting bolt upright and screaming the word "NO". She looked around in absolute panic and started muttering something about "Sareel". Then her eyes locked on him.

She didn't move for a moment, and neither did he. Both experienced their own unique brand of shock. Aeryn was the first to break out of it. She hugged him in a crushing embrace and kept repeating his name with a mixture of joy and disbelief.

"John.. you're alive?? But Sareel said ..."

Crichton's voice was choked with emotion. 

"I'm fine, Aeryn, and I'm right here."

"I don't understand. What the frell happened to me?"

"Never mind. I'll explain later. It's just good to have you back. You had me a little worried there." They were both on the verge of tears now.

The events of the past few days had taken their toll, and Aeryn began to sink into Crichton's arms, unable to support herself. She was exhausted and would soon lose consciousness once again, but this time to a normal, healing sleep.

Before she drifted off, she said for the first but far from the last time, "I love you, John."

Crichton responded without needing to think. "I love you too, Aeryn."

He held her as she slept. Explanations would come later. All that mattered was that he had her back, in every sense.

---------------------

Epilogue

It was late by ship's time and John Crichton was searching for Aeryn Sun. She wasn't in their quarters as he had expected or with Pilot. The next most likely place was the terrace. Her recovery over the past few days had been steady. Typical of Aeryn, she insisted on jumping right back into her daily routine and refused to take any time to rest properly. Crichton worried about this but not too much. After all, this was Aeryn.

He found her standing motionless and staring out into the starfield. He walked up behind her, put his arms around her and gently kissed the top of her head. She leaned back into him.

"How are you feeling?"

"For the hundredth time, Crichton, I'm fine," she said with mock severity, and then more gently, "It really is beautiful out here. I don't think I ever realized how much. I suppose you need a change of perspective sometimes to appreciate just how important certain things are."

Crichton understood that she wasn't just talking about the stars. Aeryn had told him everything about her dream, if one could really call it that. He hoped that the discomfort he felt at hearing about Velorek hadn't shown. She had enough to deal with.

It had been a closely run thing. As near as they could tell, they had gotten the ersal out of her just in time. Once the drug was out of her system, she hadn't immediately woken, but she had come to her senses. The emotional turmoil ended, and Aeryn had started to question her odd behavior. Once Aeryn was able to think clearly, the rest had been up to her. As they pieced together what had happened, it became clear that she had still possessed the strength to break free, not that Crichton would ever have doubted that. She just needed a reason to wake up, a goal. He was overjoyed to learn that he had been that goal.

Aeryn turned around to face Crichton.

"John, there are some things I need to say to you." 

She paused, obviously uncomfortable.

"I want to apologize for the way I treated you earlier and for the things I said. I remember every word, but it almost feels like someone else was saying them."

She continued with a slight look of desperation, "John, you have to believe that I didn't mean any of that."

"I know, Aeryn. It was the drug, and .."

"No. Let me finish. It's not just that. The ersal exaggerated my reaction, but that's only because there was something there in the first place."

Another pause.

"What is it, Aeryn?" He still didn't know what exactly had set her off.

"On the commerce planet you said that you would give up Earth to stay with me. I panicked when I heard that. I know now that it was mostly the ersal, but at least a part of it was me. I didn't feel worthy of that kind of sacrifice, but I wasn't thinking clearly. When the time comes, we'll decide what to do, but whatever it is, we do it together."

"If this insane experience has taught me anything, it's that I need you, and you, John Crichton, need me." She said that last part with considerable emphasis. "Nothing else matters."

Crichton smiled and gave her a quick kiss. "It might have taken you the Sebacean version of a bad acid trip to figure that out, but it's not exactly news to me. Score one for the primitive Erp-man."

Then in a more serious tone, "Aeryn, did you mean what you said when you first woke up?"

Coyly, or as coyly as Aeryn could manage, she said, "And what exactly would that be?"

"Aeryn, you know what I mean."

She pulled him close and kissed him passionately. After a few moments she broke away to say, "I love you, John."

When the only response she got was an idiotic grin, Aeryn was forced to say, "Your turn, John."

It took him a second to break out of his reverie. He laughed once he realized what she was talking about and said, "I love you too, Aeryn."

They walked back to their quarters intent on putting this incident behind them and secure in the knowledge that whatever the future held, they would face it together.

   [1]: mailto:malar_cs@yahoo.com



End file.
